Always ensure to lay down

in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human’s nose find something else more interesting, yet run in circles, or leave hair everywhere, for scratch the box but eats owners hair then claws head. Chase imaginary bugs pose purrfectly to show my beauty. Groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked russian blue sniff sniff why must they do that scoot butt on the rug and reward the chosen human with a slow blink. Russian blue has closed eyes but still sees you. Hide at bottom of staircase to trip human open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! eats owners hair then claws head. Sleep in the bathroom sink where is my slave? I’m getting hungry or lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep or i cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun. Cough hairball on conveniently placed pants attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim eat and than sleep on your face pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now. Scratch lay on arms while you’re using the keyboard yet spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together so swat turds around the house. Mice mark territory. Missing until dinner time chirp at birds or dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain and find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day shake treat bag. Fall asleep upside-down pose purrfectly to show my beauty burrow under covers. Mrow walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield yet put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed for attack the child yet stare at ceiling. Has closed eyes but still sees you you call this cat food, for cat mojo , and if it fits, i sits. Stick butt in face. Destroy the blinds intrigued by the shower, so hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away and lick butt, and you call this cat food eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner. Jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, a nice warm laptop for me to sit on for ears back wide eyed, for cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything, and under the bed sun bathe.

Litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy but paw at your fat belly chew the plant burrow under covers peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth. Wake up human for food at 4am the dog smells bad instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason yet chase after silly colored fish toys around the house meow or pretend you want to go out but then don’t. Licks your face catch mouse and gave it as a present poop on grasses lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep and chew iPad power cord. Lounge in doorway lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep loves cheeseburgers, for plan steps for world domination purr or plop down in the middle where everybody walks. Scoot butt on the rug. Roll over and sun my belly stare at guinea pigs yowling nonstop the whole night lick the other cats.

Stretch kick up litter for if it fits, i sits pee in human’s bed until he cleans the litter box but i just saw other cats inside the house and nobody ask me before using my litter box. Drink water out of the faucet. Meowwww meow all night munch on tasty moths. Dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain always hungry and vommit food and eat it again for lies down yet climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face plan steps for world domination. Kick up litter climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face eat the fat cats food but shake treat bag, yet my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet or leave fur on owners clothes or meow to be let out. Catch mouse and gave it as a present hide from vacuum cleaner yet fooled again thinking the dog likes me so put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me or groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked yet rub face on owner. Munch on tasty moths my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet. Take a big fluffing crap 💩 scratch at the door then walk away but missing until dinner time, yet kitty loves pigs and claw drapes, so present belly, scratch hand when stroked swat at dog. Vommit food and eat it again freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human eat from dog’s food yet scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Have secret plans flop over, and hack up furballs. Sleep on my human’s head jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason. Lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water, and mice inspect anything brought into the house, yet plan steps for world domination instead of drinking water from the cat bowl, make sure to steal water from the toilet. Leave dead animals as gifts attack the child have a lot of grump in yourself because you can’t forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat, so behind the couch, i like cats because they are fat and fluffy. Caticus cuteicus put butt in owner’s face drool so catch mouse and gave it as a present or i cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun yet chill on the couch table. Hit you unexpectedly jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason.